Autumn

It's dinner time, or it was. I haven't figured out what to eat yet. It feels awfully cold these days.

The coloured leaves in the photo have already all fallen as I post this.



















Katsu don, from Shiro Sushi on Cambie and 15th.
Fried rice, in two varieties.
Peppermint mocha. Forever belonging to December, to holiday festivity and melancholy. Favourite.

Table for my imac

Building the table.Using the table.

Cry

I just want to cry and cry and cry. It's just the stupid song. Is it. Don't even know what the lyrics mean.

I should concentrate and work hard. Read something, for once.

Settled into my new place. Hopefully I'll stay in one place for a while. It's close to the hospital. That's wonderful.It's still pretty empty. and I don't have the funds to furnish it yet. But bit by bit. I have my guitar and my violin. My computer, and as of today... a chair. So it's all good. The acoustics are beautiful.
The lighting is warm. I can't tell if it feels lonely. I'm so hungry.

Vancouver, BC - moving back

My last days in Toronto were memorable. But then I arrived back in Vancouver. Empty. Returned to some familiar places. Starbucks in Kerrisdale. Walked around Kerrisdale.My temporary home. This is a kitchen. I live in this kitchen. It has a beautiful view.And I sat on English Bay. Work has started. And these images already remind me of a better time.

June 5/07 3:57pm Starbucks, Yonge and Wellesley, Toronto

What am I writing this for? I’m tired. Got back in last night.

My parents arrived yesterday just before me as well. Today they went to the ROM. Charles is doing his own thing. I went for a walk. Windy Toronto. The weather still hates us. You could say I was reminiscing. The same streets, the hospitals, medical sciences building, all familiar but distant and detached. Feeling like I should feel something, not sure if I do.

Starbucks. Reminiscing? They’re “launching” the new Paul McCartney album today, playing it all day long. That’s great… And because it’s Paul, hearing it I feel like I should feel something, but I don’t. Well, I don’t know if that’s fair. It’s noisy here.

But I know I’ve returned. The tall two pump light whip mocha on the table. Yonge street wanderers. The ipod in my coat pocket. The damn wind. Everyone, the vacant face of a stranger. Yes, I’m back.

You sit in one location long enough and all the strangers start to look familiar. Familiar strangers.

Who gets pneumonia? What’s the empirical treatment? Feeding tubes. Give me something stronger for pain. Tylenol #3’s don’t do a thing for me.

I remember the sand on Ko PhaNgan, Thailand. Feet in the water as the amber sun emerged from the flat horizon of the sea.

Graduation is tomorrow. This ditty of a travel log is done done. I don’t know… But if nothing else, my travels have given me a hunch that it hasn’t been the patients in the hospital I’ve seen over these years who were truly sick.

May 31/07 Seoraksan, Korea

That same day as our first Thailand sunrise, we took a skinny long boat to another smaller beach on the same island, accessible only by water, checked into a place call the Big Blue, which we were to become so fond of over the next three days. For cheaper than our last lodging, we got a beachside bungalow, with an upstairs porch. No air conditioning though. 3 days, relaxing in the water, eating at the Big Blue restaurant, enjoying their incredible fruit shakes and curry. The musamum curry was the winner amongst us. We played basketball, ping pong, and tossed around a disc in the water. On one afternoon we trekked to our neighbouring beach of Hat Thien, but were turned off by the colder, more intimidating reception there. We noted that topless sunbathing was the norm. Back to Big Blue we hurried, ate more food, relaxing on their cushions. The most relaxed 3 days of the trip so far. Our last night there, sitting on our balcony listening to tunes off of Queenie and Keith’s ipods, with those cute wimpy orange speakers Keith had gotten for this trip. The dim light of dusk. Feeling… something, I don’t know. Like I could be in high school again. Passionate. For what, who knows.

Our beach days over, we flew back with our sandy feet to Bangkok. Air conditioning again. Markets, temples, a reclining Buddha of gold, a palace, a trip to the school of traditional Thai massage. Still battling our digestive systems.

Last night in Bangkok, whiskey and a bucket of Singapore sling in our guesthouse room. Trying to play a drinking game, but all doing a sad job. Finished off all our measly EtOH too quickly.

The next day, the craziest cab ride ever to the airport. Keith actually confronted, almost yelled at, the driver when we got to the airport. Crazy driver. I hope there’s no passenger in his car when he totals it and himself.

We parted at the airport, Keith to Hong Kong, the rest of us to Korea. That route too us first through Singapore airport. Wasn’t so long before that I was there. But it did make me feel I’ve been away too long. Away from my responsibilities. Away from my Betty. I wonder if I’ll always worry about her. Does love always mean worry?

Korea is clean, and in May, it’s cool. It reminds me of Vancouver. Even the dusk and sunrise lighting is similar. Vancouver’s not so clean as Korea though. At least in Seoul, even the dirt is clean.

Our first evening, after checking into the 5 star hotel, made possible by Brian’s mom’s cousin who works there, we were treated to the hotel’s BBQ feast buffet. So much food. So much food. My goodness, so much food. And at the insistence of Brian’s relative, bottle after bottle of Soju, and red wine. After what seemed like endless eating, he saw us back to our room, only to insist we crack open some beer. Our 5:00am start time for the next day was looking more and more grim.


5:00 am this morning, up and hung over. We met one of Brian’s cousins, who has taken us to Seoraksan, a big mountain we’ve climbed all day. A huge hike. We are sleeping tonight at the temple, just 2km away from the mountain’s peak. Brian and I in the male dorm room. 15 or more of us crowded onto the floor. A few more on the wooden shelf. All Korean. I understand little if not nothing. Actually, it isn’t so bad.

Sunrise is at 5:30. We’d have to start hiking the final 2km to the peak at 3:30 am in order to catch it. It’s not going to happen. But that’s ok. Right now all I wish is to get to the peak, get back down, and back to the comfy hotel. Yes, I’m a wuss. A tired wuss.

But I do love hiking and rock climbing. And the vistas today were stunning and magical. So it’s been well worth the hung over fatiguing day’s work so far.

Anyway, it’s probably just past 7:00pm now. I don’t know. Most everyone in the room is sleeping and snoring. So I’ll do the same. I wonder what Betty is doing right now. I wish she could see this mountain temple and its view, without all the hiking that was required.

Poor Brian, exhausted. All his relatives to call and see, doing all the talking and translating. Trying as best he can to be as polite as possible, traveling and its exhaustion as a baseline. He’s sleeping now. No more than 1cm from me. He has his towel rolled up as a pillow. Damn. I don’t have a towel. I’ll find something.

If I can’t find peacefulness here, I don’t know where I ever can.

May 23/07 Wednesday I think. Ko PhaNgan – Thailand

The rest of Cambodia spared me no energy to write. So much since last.





Our one day in Phnom Penh, too many events to describe. We started the day at the central market. The stink of butchered meat in the sun, vender after vender in a seemingly hopeless labarynth. Noodles in the market for breakfast. Brian had to return to the room shortly after, still not feeling well enough. Our driver for the day, a Heng Nol, provided happy chatter all the while.

Next for the morning was a visit to the Killing Fields. More Cambodian recent history I know too little about. But the idea is past knowledge. Looking at the piles of skulls, I found myself fixed to their teeth. Our teeth don’t move, but in life, with the right trigger, they form a smile. Busy taking pictures. The polarizer contributed an unignorable blue sky. So much death, in one place. Were there screams? Or were the victims already dead, after their torture days at the S21 prison…


We left.

Chatting again with our cab driver, he joked about joking with his wife about finding a second wife. It was obvious he was crazy about his wife. In fact, it turned out that the recording he was listening to in his car was his wife’s singing.

He invited us to his home. We went. Large; successful guy. We met his wife and children. They served us mangos and watermelon. We took some pictures.

Then we were off to the Russian Market, a cheap cheap market for everything. There we bid farewell to our driver Nol.

Russian market gift buying. Scarves and scrabes and scarbes. Floating prices. “No, that’s too much” “No, too cheap no profit” “ Very low price already” Fun fun. In the Russian Market I was dripping with sweat. Drip drip drip. So wet, I was slippery.

From the market, moto’s to S21 prison. Keith and I shared the back of one motorbike. Queenie another. More killing. Torture.


Then more food. Checking in on Brian.


Early next morning Queenie, Keith and I tried to catch the sun rise over the water and palace. We had some morning light, but at 6:00 were too late for sunrise. 7:00 a minibus picked us up to take us to the main station. There we were thrown into a bus full of other tourists. Headed for Siem Reap. 5 hours later, we’re there. Another guest house.


Siem Reap is quieter. Less crazy. Less filthy and stinky. More touristy. The only business is tourism.





What else can I say. The ruins were unreal. It was hot, impossible hot. We drank whatever we could carry. Took over 600 photos over 2 days.

Back within the city, we experience two contrasting style of massage. The first involved lots of bending, twisting and pulling. The second was from a group called “Seeing Hands.” They are all blind.

At the first place, Keith, Brian and I looked pretty clueless, having no idea what we were supposed to do. Siem Reap. It rained one afternoon. Wow, the rain. The airport was nicer than that of Phnom Penh. Tourism.

To Bangkok. The airport brought back the icy chill and sanitary flavour of developed nations. There was a Burger King, and Keith and I gave in. Internet at the departure gate to Ko Samui was a blessing.

Ko Samui, boat ride to Ko PhaNgan. Searching for accommodation in the dark with our big backpacks on our back. Not fun.

But the sunrise this morning from just outside our door, on the beach. So this is the magic of Thailand’s beaches. The others are sleeping again now after watching the sunrise.

I will too. I think.

I do miss Cambodia. I don’t know why. But this is a nice break. Restful.

And I think I’ve started to forget a little… I lost track of the day. And I don’t think I feel stressed, entirely. I’ll let go I think.

May 18/07 12:00 am Phnom Penh, Cozyna Hotel

All members have come together. Keith and I found each other back at Singapore ChangI airport, quickly caught each other up, and a blissfully short flight brought us to hot and humid Phnom Penh. This place is poor, like no place I’ve been to before. Garbage along every street. People and more people, squatting, chatting, draped over objects, suffering the heat. Swarming bicycles and motor bikes, everyone giving two honks of the horn every few seconds.

A taxi brought us to the Cozyna Hotel, a 7USD ride, where we reunited with Brian and Queenie, who had battle their way in by land from Vietnam.

Such a relief to finally lay my stuff down. We splurged on a reunion dinner.

Drank some questionable water. We’ll see what happens. Already dark, not really any pictures taken.

I do think I’m leaving behind those worries of home. Perhaps only because I am exhausted. Trouble staying awake now.

Tomorrow we’ll explore this city.

May 17/07 1:15 pm Singapore CHANGi airport

Due to the delay departing from Toronto, I arrived in San Francisco with barely enough time to locate and run to my next departure gate. In fact, as I closed in on the gate, personnel were paging me overhead to the desk. In short I made it, and the flight took off on schedule, shortly after 1:00 am pacific, or 4:00 am in Toronto. Betty had told me her and her friends would start their drive down to New York at around 4:00 am. I sent an sms via Cingular, which had usurped Fido on my cell. I don’t know if my messages got through.

The flight was long. But Singapore Airlines lived up to their reputation, and it was as comfortable as any 13.5 hour flight can be. In particular, the food was good, and I found myself looking forward to meals. An elderly Indian couple sat next to me, me at the window, and thus I only left my seat once in those 13.5 hours. Fortunately, I slept some, and they got off when we stopped in Hong Kong.

Now, I’m enjoying, or just enjoyed, a hand pulled noodle lunch at the Singapore Airport, one of the more shopping mall-like ones I’ve visited. I splurged and got three little dragon buns and a diet coke as well. Hoping my meager 15CAD converted to 20 Singapore dollars is enough to cover this.

Anyway, no crazy interesting thoughts in my wiped brain at this time. Still feeling the urge to be home, lying in bed.